Printable joke cards

Pick the jokes, choose a card size and print a sheet of lunchbox notes, party-bag fillers or classroom cards. The answers can go upside down, so the reader has to flip the card.

1 Pick the jokes

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Why did the chef hire the salt shaker? It came very well seasoned.
Why do bakers make such good adventurers? They're always willing to take a whisk.
Why was the soup grumpy all afternoon? It had been stewing about something since lunch.
Why does the bread get invited to every wedding? It always gives a lovely toast.
What did the noodle say about its old mistakes? "Let's leave all that in the pasta."
Why did the knife keep complimenting the bread? It was trying to butter it up.
Why did the burrito end the meeting early? It was time to wrap things up.
Why was the pancake mix so calm before the big breakfast? It knew things could only get batter.
What did the cheese pot write in its Valentine's card? "I'm very fondue of you."
How did the potato chips pay for the party? Everyone chipped in.
Why can't a pot of chili keep a secret? It always spills the beans.
Why did the coffee bean call its mum? It was feeling a bit ground down.
Why did the melon's partner leave it such a long list of chores? It was a honeydew list.
Why did the lettuce stay so relaxed during the fire drill? Its motto is "Romaine calm."
Why did the dinner roll win employee of the month? It had been on a roll all year.
Why did the egg sign up for comedy classes? It wanted to work on its yolks.
Why does the snail never send text messages? It much prefers snail mail.
Why does the hedgehog always lose at cards? It can't stop hedging its bets.
Why are giraffes so slow to say sorry? It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Why is the octopus the best hugger in the sea? It always has an arm to spare.
Why are kangaroos so good at planning? They're always thinking a few hops ahead.
Why do penguins always look smart at parties? They never take off their tuxedos.
Why did the sloth miss the bus? It was planning to catch the one next week.
Why are owls the best party guests? They're an absolute hoot.
Why does the worm always sleep in? It has heard what happens to the early bird.
Why can't roosters keep a secret? They crow about everything.
Why did the hamster quit the gym? It was tired of running in circles.
Why was the goat always in trouble at school? It kept butting in.
How did the dog ace its history test? It dug up all the facts.
Why was the dolphin so good at homework? It did everything on porpoise.
Why was the duck asked to leave the cinema? It kept making fowl comments.
Why did the cat stomp out of the room? It was having a hissy fit.
Why did the magnet get so many valentines? Everyone found it very attractive.
Why are protons such good friends? They always stay positive.
Why did the moon say no to dessert? It was already full.
Why did the lecture on gravity go so well? Everyone felt drawn in.
Why couldn't the physics teacher stop her lesson? It had too much momentum.
Why did Saturn never worry about proposing? It already had plenty of rings.
Why did the telescope quit its desk job? It hated focusing on things up close.
Why does the microscope get invited to every meeting? It's great at noticing the little things.
Why did the volcano get a time-out? It kept blowing its top.
Why don't fossils go to parties? They're a bit set in their ways.
Why was the star so tired? It had been up all night.
What happens when an acid and a base have an argument? They calm down, but they end up a little salty.
Why do cells make such good bakers? They're brilliant at dividing things up.
Why are black holes terrible dinner guests? They never know when to stop eating.
Why are echoes so annoying? They always have to have the last word.
Why does Mercury always win the race around the Sun? It has the inside track.
Why did the blunt pencil skip the meeting? It couldn't see the point.
Why did the glue stick win the best friend award? It stuck by everyone.
Why was the ruler put in charge of the classroom? It kept everyone in line.
Why did the compass get such a good report card? It always knew which direction it was heading.
Why were the scissors dropped from the team? They kept cutting corners.
Why did the notebook get the lead role in the school play? It knew all its lines.
Why was the backpack so stressed? It was carrying everyone's problems.
Why did the chalkboard forgive everybody? It always wiped the slate clean.
Why did the fraction go to the nurse? It was feeling a bit improper.
Why did the student bring an umbrella to maths? The teacher said there would be a brainstorm.
Why was the paper clip so calm before exams? It kept everything together.
Why did the essay go to bed early? It had a long sentence ahead of it.
Why did the protractor get top marks? It always found the right angle.
Why did the highlighter feel so important? It made everything stand out.
Why did the graph paper always look so neat? It had everything squared away.
Why do erasers get so many apologies? They help everyone take things back.
Why did the tailor get a promotion? He always had everything sewn up.
Why did the electrician win the debate? She had all the current facts.
Why do people love the photographer's advice? She helps them see the bigger picture.
Why did the gardener quit her office job? She wanted to turn over a new leaf.
Why does the librarian win every argument? She has all the references.
Why are pilots so good at parties? They know how to make things take off.
Why did the postal worker get a medal? She always delivered.
Why did the lifeguard get a job at the bank? She was brilliant at saving.
Why does the writer always carry a pencil? She likes to draw her own conclusions.
Why did the window cleaner win employee of the month? His work was always so transparent.
Why do potters make such good friends? They'll always throw something together for you.
Why does the clockmaker always get paid extra? He's always working overtime.
Why are builders such good storytellers? They always lay a solid foundation.
Why does the plumber love his job? It's a pipe dream come true.
Why did the optician become the boss? She had real vision.
Why did the carpenter turn down the job? He said it sounded too boring.
Why do bowling pins get so many days off? They're always on strike.
Why did the swimmer quit social media? She likes to stay in her own lane.
What's the only sport where going downhill is good news? Skiing.
Why do basketball players love biscuits with their tea? They're experts at dunking.
Why did the goalkeeper open a savings account? She's always been great at saves.
Why did the cyclist lose the argument? He kept going round in circles.
Why did the yoga teacher get the job? She was very flexible about the hours.
Why was the gym so quiet? Everyone was busy working out their problems.
Why did the tennis racket go to the party? It loves to make a racket.
Why do runners make great comedians? Their timing is perfect.
Why are marathon runners such loyal friends? They're in it for the long run.
Why is the trampoline never sad for long? It always bounces back.
Why are skateboarders such good listeners? They're always on board with your ideas.
Why did the ice skater get the job? She was great at breaking the ice.
Why are rock climbers such good teachers? They know the ropes.
Why did the archer get top marks? She always got straight to the point.
Why don't guitars ever panic? They don't like to fret.
Why was the double bass made team captain? It was the base of the whole band.
Why did the trumpet lose all its friends? It wouldn't stop blowing its own horn.
Why are harps so tiring at parties? They harp on about everything.
Why was the music note so tired? It hadn't had a rest all song.
Why did the violin stop arguing? It knew when to take a bow.
Why did the composer stay in bed all day? He was working on his sheet music.
Why did the rapper bring cling film to the studio? He was ready to wrap.
Why do headphones get along with everyone? They're such good listeners.
Why was the flute sent out of the meeting? It kept piping up.
Why does the choir never fall out? They're all in perfect harmony.
Why is the metronome never late? It always keeps perfect time.
Why does the drummer never miss practice? She'd never skip a beat.
Why do tambourines make terrible secret agents? They rattle under pressure.
Why did the locksmith hire a pianist? She knew all the keys.
Why did the singer go to bed early? She'd been feeling flat all day.
Why didn't the fern want the party to end? It was having a frond-erful time.
Why was the pine tree sent to its room? It was being needle-ssly rude.
Why is the sunflower always so cheerful? It looks on the bright side.
Why was the cloud so moody? It was going through a grey area.
Why isn't the cactus allowed in the balloon shop? Things keep going pop.
Why does moss always stay at home? It has heard what happens to rolling stones.
Why did the wind pop into the library? It wanted to breeze through a few books.
Why do raindrops make such good neighbours? They're always dropping in.
Why did the snowman get sent to his room? He was having a meltdown.
Why does the mountain never get tired? It always has peak energy.
Why is lightning never late? It always arrives in a flash.
Why do people end up liking weeds? They have a way of growing on you.
Why are puddles such bad swimmers? They're far too shallow.
How did the willow tree keep its promise? Where there's a willow, there's a way.
Why does the rose win every debate? It knows how to make a thorny point.
Why does the tree dread quiz night? The questions always leave it stumped.
Why is the printer always so stressed? It keeps getting into jams.
Why is the robot so calm in a crisis? It has nerves of steel.
Why did the phone go to bed early? Its battery was running low.
Why did the Wi-Fi go to couples counselling? It felt there was no connection.
Why is the keyboard always exhausted? It works two shifts.
Why did the email feel so needy? It had too many attachments.
Why did the password go to the gym? It wanted to get stronger.
Why did the phone break up with the game app? It was taking up too much space.
Why did the programmer give up gardening? She already spent all day getting rid of bugs.
Why did the web browser feel so tired? It had far too many tabs open.
Why did the photos move to the cloud? They wanted a room with a view.
Why does a USB plug never go in the first time? It likes to keep you on your toes.
What are the three most famous words in every video call? "You're on mute."
Why did the phone get into trouble on holiday? It was caught roaming.
Why does the TV remote always hide? It likes to feel wanted.
Why does the laptop have so many fans? It's just that cool.
Why was the train so focused? It had a one-track mind.
Why wasn't the sailboat worried about its exams? It was ready to sail through.
Why does the pilot give the best speeches? She knows how to wing it.
Why did the suitcase need a long chat? It was carrying a lot of baggage.
Why are hotels such caring friends? They always check in on you.
Why did the bus stop? It saw a sign that said "Bus Stop".
Why are bridges so good at making friends? They know how to connect people.
Why do maps never win at poker? They're far too easy to read.
Why did the scooter take the day off? It had been pushed too hard.
Why did the car stop listening to the sat nav? It was tired of being told where to go.
Why does the ship's anchor never panic? It always stays grounded.
Why do rowers make such good teammates? They're all in the same boat.
Why are tunnels so hopeful? They can always see the light at the end.
Why did the car need a holiday? It was completely exhausted.
Why do helicopters make such attentive parents? They never stop hovering.
Why did the car's brakes ask for a holiday? They really needed a break.

8 cards chosen: 1 sheet.

Write your own card

Joke or message

Answer (optional)

2 Style the cards

Cards per sheet 4 big 8 lunchbox 12 mini

Answers Upside down Underneath Leave off

Paper

"To" line (optional)

Note at the bottom (optional)

Ink saver: outlines only, no colour

Print at 100% (actual size), then cut along the dashed lines.

Preview

Dad joke

Why are hotels such caring friends?

They always check in on you.

Have a giggly day!

Dad joke

Why was the flute sent out of the meeting?

It kept piping up.

Have a giggly day!

Dad joke

Why was the pine tree sent to its room?

It was being needle-ssly rude.

Have a giggly day!

Dad joke

Why is the metronome never late?

It always keeps perfect time.

Have a giggly day!

Dad joke

Why did the singer go to bed early?

She'd been feeling flat all day.

Have a giggly day!

Dad joke

Why did the lettuce stay so relaxed during the fire drill?

Its motto is "Romaine calm."

Have a giggly day!

Dad joke

Why does the laptop have so many fans?

It's just that cool.

Have a giggly day!

Dad joke

Why can't a pot of chili keep a secret?

It always spills the beans.

Have a giggly day!

How to make joke cards

Choose where the jokes come from: dad jokes, riddles, knock-knock jokes, puns, or the jokes you kept on the random dad joke page. Tick the ones you want, use Pick at random for a surprise, or write your own card.
Pick a size. Eight to a sheet fits a lunchbox; four makes big cards for a noticeboard; twelve makes mini cards for party bags. Upside down prints each answer at the bottom, turned over, so the reader has a moment to guess.
Add a "To" name and a short note if you like, then press Print cards. Choose "actual size" or 100% in the print dialog, and use Ink saver on a black-and-white printer.

Jokes are only as good as their delivery, so a lunchbox card works best with a short setup and a punchline of a few words. Riddle cards with the answer left off make a good quiz: hand them out and read the answers aloud at the end. Your choices stay on this page; nothing is uploaded, and the printing is done by your own browser.

Questions

The cards print too small or cut off. What should I change?

Set the scale to 100% or "actual size" in the print dialog, turn off "fit to page", and make sure the paper size there matches the one chosen here. Headers and footers added by the browser can also be switched off in the print dialog.

Can I save the cards as a PDF?

Yes. Press Print cards and choose "Save as PDF" (or "Microsoft Print to PDF") as the printer. The PDF is made by your browser on your device.

Where do the kept jokes come from?

From the Keep button on the random dad joke page. Kept jokes are stored in this browser only, so they show up here on the same device and browser.